New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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