there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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