You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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