She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i think im in europe. pls send help
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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