drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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