She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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