How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
