matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
