I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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