Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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