I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
