if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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