Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
