a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
