I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
