does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
