when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
