Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
