You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
