no, he came in my armpit
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I could fuck to npr.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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