this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize