She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
