i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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