me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
