I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
