Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Floor bacon is actually really good
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
