I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Screwed.edu
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
