there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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