the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
