babies were throwing up all over the place
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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