It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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