Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
