somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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