it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
