Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
