Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
