Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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