i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
