it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
