Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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