Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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