nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
