we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
