Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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