after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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