so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
