yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
