HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
