Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
