oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
