I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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