well you can't waste a boner
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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