nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
