I'm going to jail i love you
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
