my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
50% drunk capacity currently
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize