So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
