she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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