Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
