im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish they made helmets for livers.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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