i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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