He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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