Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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