I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
