You just made me feel so damn special
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
