His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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